Jeff’s Dark and Early Blog

It was Sunday morning, the snow was falling and Connor was pooping.  That’s my youngest son.  I had only a few minutes to prepare for a news report.  We were in Operation Storm Watch and I was calling in some of the conditions in Shawnee from home.  So now I had a decision to make.  Leave the poop until after the report, or change the poop AND do the report at the same time.  Neither seemed promising.

About that time, Nichole called.  I missed her call, but responded promptly with a text message…..”Sorry.  Everyone poops.”

It turned out she was calling to tell me I didn’t need to go on the air until noon.  Crisis averted.

Such is the life of a broadcaster.  When the tornado comes in and the kids are huddled in the basement, Dad often has to be either on the front porch calling in storm reports, or in the car trying to find a funnel cloud.  It’s not always an easy choice to make, but it’s just what you do.

People depend on us duing severe weather, and we’ll always be there to deliever.  But if you ever hear a gassy sound in the background of one of my reports, don’t worry.  The storm didn’t get me, but one of Connor’s bowel movements may have.

As I touched on a few blogs ago, I took some time off as my wife and I welcomed our second child into the world.  Connor David Bell was born on Super Bowl Sunday and is currently doing a great job of making sure no one in the house gets adequate sleep.  Luckily, I’m in radio, so I haven’t had adequate sleep in over eight years.

Since I was unable to report the news while I was gone, I decided to bring with me a little bit of reporting on something the average reporter might not get to cover.  I present to you now (drumroll please)…….a list of things everyone should know about staying in a hospital recovery room after your child is born.

1)  About half the dads don’t stay.  I was informed of this by one of the nurses.  She also informed me that half of those don’t stay out of the dog house once the wife gets home.

(For the record, I stayed the entire time.  Dog house EMPTY!)

2)  The nurse you have during the day is not that important to your wife.  If she doesn’t like the overnight nurse however, you will pay dearly for every mistake she makes.

3)  Take full advantage of the galley….orange sherbet, coke, orange sherbet, crackers, orange sherbet, oh, and orange sherbet.  And it’s FREE!

4)  When the lactation consultant arrives, it is best for dads to make a swift exit to the cafeteria.

5)  People you haven’t seen for years will show up and sit in your room.  Some of them will grunt inappropriately.

6)  Newborn babies often sound like little kittens.  If you find yourself up in the middle of the night looking for a kitten, you aren’t as pathetic as you think.

7)  If you’ve ever taken a cruise, you know how small the showers are.  Your shower at the hospital will be miraculously smaller.

8)  Bring your own Tylenol.  No matter how much you beg, the nurse will not steal any for you.

9)  If your child is born the morning of the Super Bowl, and you want to watch the game, pray that your wife is understanding.  (Thanks, honey!)

Anyway….good to be back.

I may eventually write a book called, “Strange People I’ve Met When I Should Have Been Sleeping”.

It was early in the week…Monday, I believe.  There had been a rash of car break-ins in Lenexa, so I was on the story.  As I sat at the Oak Park Village Apartments, a resident walked up to my car and motioned for me to roll down my window.

“You with the radio?”

“Yep.  Are you one of the residents here?”

“Yeah, I need to talk to you about my car.”

“Oh, was it one of the ones that was vandalized?”

“Nope.”

“What’s up then?”

“I need to sell it.  Could you talk about it on the air?”

For the record, folks, this is not tradio.

But the man was persistent.  He even offered to go on the air and talk about it himself.  I’m sure E.J. and Ellen would have loved that.

“Well guys, before I report on this crime, I’d like to introduce our audience to Reggie.  He’s got a car to sell!”

Anyway, Reggie’s car may still be for sale….if you are interested.